Death... Man how I fear that word. It is like it creeps up on you like a shadow in the night. Unseen... unheard... I am terrified. I love life! I LOVE loving on people. I love doing those random acts of kindness. You know the ones right? I am sure you do. It’s those kinds where they are spur of the moment. And the only people that know that you did them are just the person you did it for and yourself. Those can be so many things. I often wonder to myself when I think about death... will anyone one truly miss me when I am gone? Seriously, I mean really miss me. You hear it so often that you will be missed dearly but really do you mean those words? I know that I do. I have lost many loved ones, friends, and people I knew. They are remembered in my memories and thoughts and I hope that I will be able to see them again someday on the other side. Will they recognize me? Will I have honored and pleased them? Did I do my best? I know I could have done better. Spoken when I should have spoke? Listened when I needed to listen? Did I tell them that I loved them dearly enough? What about those still here? Have I told you lately that I truly and honestly love you? I really do! Yes, some more then others. I am not going to lie. I am an honest man. There are some that I am unable to tell or show how much I love them. Why, do you ask? What would their family think? Their friends? The world? Yes I know that you really shouldn't be concerned what the world thinks more then anyone. But what if my love hurts them? I would never ever want to do that to them at all or anyone. That is not why I am here. Yes love hurts. And yes I have told people that I have had a crush on them and that I loved them. I mean LOVE, love. I am a man who tries to live a life of integrity. I tell people that I am honest so therefore I must be honest. Ask me anything that you want to know and I promise that I will tell you. Even if the truth hurts me I will tell it. I am an open book. I promised myself that I will be a risk taker if ever a chance arises and so I am. I have done many crazy, stupid, hilarious, and beautiful things. Look at all I have done so far in my short time here. But will all this matter when I am gone? Will the laughs that I have made die with me? Will the love that I have given and the love I have shared be in vain? Did the words I speak fall on deaf ears? Where you not listening when I spoke? I know that sometimes the advice that I give has not been received until after it was done. I wonder what words will have been remembered when I am gone? What of those spoken after? What will they say? Will they be of joy or pain? Did I hurt you? I know that I can be a real jerk at times and so very stubborn. I know. I promise though with the very depths of my soul that I do love you. Death is cruel. It can bring on so many questions with very little to no answers. Did they love you? What were they thinking? So on and so forth. I assure you that I myself do love you. I always will. No matter what! You can hate me all you want. Whether for my honesty or I have crossed you or have left a bad taste in your mouth. Whatever the reason is I still love you. I promise :) I forgive you too. Yes, you may have hurt me deeply. Some have. But I forgive you. I truly do. There isn't a thing in this world that you could do that would make me hate you forever and not love you. NOTHING! Sorry but it is my nature. Part of who I am. I hope those I hurt will forgive me. I am sorry. Truly I am! You have my deepest apology. My best wishes. I hope that when I die you all can forgive me.
To those who love me: When I die please, never shed a tear. Unless it is to comfort someone else. If you grieve for me... please do so with love in your heart. Don't remember the wrong that I did. But remember the love that I shared. Laugh a little. And then laugh some more. Smile. Life is way too darn short to frown and be mad or sad. Live a little and love a lot. Be humble. Love yourself. Play more. Work hard but not to death. Be smart. Think things through. Be willing to deal with the consequences of your actions. Be honest not only to the world but to yourself as well. Be able to look yourself in the mirror and not shy away from it. Be a kid :) Use imagination. Remember that nothing is impossible. When life gets you down, stand back up, brush yourself off, breathe in, smile, and do it again till you get through it. You can I promise :)
In closing: This isn't the last you have heard from me. Sorry LOL :D Even when Papa decides to call me home I will still be there to laugh with you and also to open my arms for you when you need to cry. Just like now I am here for you whenever you need me. I have 2 arms, 2 shoulders, 2 eyes, 2 ears, and a huge heart and I am willing to listen as long as it takes. I love you dearly. You mean so very much to me. Yes death is so very cruel... but love conquers all!!! :)
Love,
Henry Havens
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